


If I Fall Asleep Who Will Wake Me?

by Snails_okay



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Hurt Steve Rogers, Hurt Tony, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Protective Avengers, Protective Steve Rogers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony-centric, no one is bad in this fic, team why cant we all be friends, they all just need some love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-05
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 00:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14225316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snails_okay/pseuds/Snails_okay
Summary: Tony had never really had control over anything in his life, so when the avengers come back Tony feels more like a secondary character in his own movie.He hates it, and quickly picks up some of his old habits to try and take back and form of control he once had.The others however, although they are tired and worn down they can see that Tony isn't doing as well as they were lead to believe when they were in hiding.Basically a big angst fic where Tony has and eating disorder and insomnia and everyone tries to help him but not after being dicks about their own feelings.a lot of blame gets pushed around and no one is okay.(please read tags)I'm aiming to write 5 chapters so any feedback for the next ones would be appreciated!





	1. Chapter 1

It had happened slowly, it had happened silently and it had taken over.  
To anyone on the outside it may appear as if the avengers were back together but in reality they were falling apart.  
Especially one genius who lay awake in his bed, eyes open but not really seeing.

Ever since Tony was young he had struggled with control, or his lack of when it came to his own life. He’d never really been able to develop his own personality, expectations from both the media and his parents hadn't left him with much room to control who he was or what he wanted to be.  
Afghanistan had left him shaken, he realised how little control he really had over the products he was making. It had also left him with a hole in his chest and a device he was completely reliant on to live, this made him manipulatable.

For as long as Tony had been losing control he had been fighting to get it back, from a young age he’d avoid sleeping, it was when he was most vulnerable. He would also try to control everything that went into his body. It was a small victory and a bad habit that would continue well into Tony’s adult life, flaring up when he felt most insecure.

At the moment Tony had never felt more out of control in his life. The fight that had torn the avengers apart had him questioning everything, and now that they were back he felt as if he should just run away.  
He didn't know who to trust anymore, they were wary of each other yet all accepted that something shit had happened and the blame was not to be placed onto one singular person.  
Still, Tony couldn't help but feel as if they were all secretly blaming him.  
He hated it, he hated that he couldn't just talk to the people he once considered his family, he hated that he couldn't trust his own judgment, not in the state that he was in.  
Currently he was standing in the communal kitchen, looking down at the warm coffee in his hands. Dark bags became a feature on his face, he couldn't sleep, not at a time like this because if he fell asleep he’d leave himself unaware of what was going on around him.  
What if something important happened? What if the people he’d finally gotten back tried to kill him or worse left him to go back into hiding.  
What if he didn't wake up? He’d built his own phone and had programmed the alarm in it but he couldn’t really trust anything he made so how could he sleep if he couldn't control exactly what time he woke up? What if the alarm never went off and he never woke up? No, that's irrational, what if he was losing his mind?  
“Stark?”  
Tony snapped his attention towards the voice, he didn't talk just took in Steve's large frame and tried to read the expression on his face.  
“Hey? Are you okay?” Steve tried again.

“Yeah of course! Sorry was just think about you know-” he waved his hands in the air, struggling to find the words ”-things”.

“Okay, yeah” Steve mumbled.

A tense silence fell between the two, normally tony would be in complete control of the conversation, dominating it with his large (fake) personality but honestly he was too tired for it right now.

“We have to talk about what happened-”  
Tony suddenly felt angry, rage surged through his body. He doesn't have to do anything! He especially doesn't have to talk about what happened when he was left defenseless in the cold  
after being chosen second best to the monster that killed his parents… and not been able to do a damn thing about it. No he did not have to talk about what happened.  
“Do we now? Do we really? Because i didn’t think we had had anything to talk about so excuse me but i'm gonna have to decline on this offer” Tony spat before stomping towards the elevator.  
As he moved forwards he felt himself become light headed and black spots clouded his vision.

“You know that that’s not what i mean” 

Tony turned around so quickly it made his vision blur, he stumbled forward for a second before standing still and collecting himself. “Well then what did you mean”.

Steve looked Tony up and down for a second, “This can wait, you really should sleep”.

Tony was shocked for a second, how dare he tell him what he should do, but as he stood there he felt the weight of his eyelids become heavier and heavier, his whole body ached and begged for him to lie down.  
Forgetting to address Steve Tony turned and shuffled towards the elevator.  
Once on his own floor Tony slowly made his way to his bed, he removed his shoes and socks and then laid down on top of his covers.  
He wanted to sleep, every part of his body was screaming at him to close his eyes but he couldn't, the fears from earlier at the forefront of his mind.  
His eyes were open but they weren't really seeing, he refused to admit defeat to his own body.  
Eventually he couldn't resist and his eyes finally closed.


	2. Chapter 2

The orange glow that was emitting from from the street lights created a harsh contrast to the black skies. The night was wet and cold, a brisk wind caused sheets of rain to crash down on the empty streets.  
Tony felt alive.

Slowly Tony reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out his ringing phone, his cold hands fumbled across the screen in an attempt to answer.

“Hello” He huffed, a cloud forming from his breath. 

“hey where'd you run off to?” Natasha’s soft voice greeted him.

“Well i went for a walk but its, well it's raining so i might be a while.” Tony wanted to be angry that he was being treated like a child, that he was constantly being checked on, but he knew Natasha meant well. He was also too damn cold to be angry.

“Well no shit it’s raining, it was raining when you left” 

This caught Tony by surprise, he hadn't noticed it to be raining when he left. Tony unconsciously wrapped his coat tighter around his body. He had left in a hurry when Bruce had offered for Tony to join the team for dinner.   
He often found himself avoiding meals with the team recently, it just felt like too much effort, sitting there smiling and engaging in conversation.  
He preferred this much more, having time to himself, to just think.  
It was calming.

“Would you like someone to come pick you up?” Natasha was starting to sound worried.

After getting no response she tried again, “dinner is still warm, i’m happy to pick you up if you want”.

This made Tony panic slightly, the thought of food sitting in his stomach made him feel sick, he just wanted to keep walking, keep thinking about anything and everything.  
“No thanks, i'll be home later.”

He ended the call and walked back to the tower, his pace quickened and slowed depending on what he was thinking about, but 45 minutes later he walked inside soaked head to toe and shivering.  
Tony stripped off his coat and his shoes before heading up to the communal kitchen in hopes of finding coffee.  
A plate of food wrapped in cling wrap was in the middle of the kitchen bench, a sticky note with Tony’s name on it was stuck to the rim of the plate. Tony turned away from the food giving it a glance every now and then as he made himself a cup of coffee.  
Tony hadn’t purposely been fasting but recently he’d been too busy and too tired to sit down and eat, and now that he hadn't in a few days he really didn't feel like it anymore.

He was falling back into old habits, he knew he should stop before it gets any worse.  
But why? Who would really care if he lost a few pounds, the iron man suit practically did the fighting for him, the media didn't want anything to do with him now that the others were back and well he didn’t have anyone to impress with his body… not anymore.  
At least he would finally be happy with himself, with his triumph over the human instinct to eat and his delicately thin body.  
Tony sighed, he had finally stopped shivering and he felt a little better with some coffee in his system.

Maybe he was crazy, maybe he was just too needy for attention.  
He could deal with this another day, he was beyond tired and really all he wanted to do was take a warm shower.

“Hey! You made it, I had made a bet with thor that you had been eaten by a bear.” Clints loud voice filled the silence.

“A bear? Really? Where am i getting this bear from? Tony laughed light heartedly, Clint’s energetic tone was welcome, It didn't make Tony feel as if he was being questioned or treated like a child.

“ stranger things have happened “ clint claimed as he went to grab a glass.

“Talking about getting eaten by a bear, when was the last time you've eaten?”,

Ah there it is, tony knew it would come. “I had something when i got home, and just for the record i don’t need you, or anyone may i add, to mother me.” 

Clint’s eyes flicked between the untouched plate of food on the bench and Tony, he didn’t believe the man for a second he knew Tony wouldn't listen to him if he said anything.   
“Alright man, well just remember to head past the gym at some point, natasha and steve were worried sick about you, i'm sure they'd appreciate a quick hello”

Tony nodded “yeah, okay“

20 minutes later Tony found himself walking towards the gym, once he arrived at the large tinted glass doors he stopped and stood for a second.  
He could hear the loud thumps of steves fists hitting a punching bag, and talking, it was muffled but every now and then he would catch his name followed by a “what are we going to do about him”. Tony was pissed, He didn't feel like dealing with this right now, or ever.  
Tony walked back towards the elevator, his feet working in auto pilot taking him to his bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well i guess you guys know what next chapter will be about ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty please give me some feed back it would be very much appreciated!
> 
> I am planning on going more in depth with tony's eating disorder but i also want to develop the friendship between him and the others.


End file.
